Sadness

I feel like we are travelling full speed ahead into the biggest heartache of my daughter's life and there's not a thing I can do to stop us. Lucy had a huge tumor removed last week and has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. The symptoms may begin showing up as soon as 3 months from now, although I have my suspicions that we are already seeing some. It seems unlikely that she'll be here come Christmas. Becky doesn't know that Lucy is sick. She just knows that the tumor was removed because it was big and uncomfortable - she has no concept of its dangers. And that is as it should be for a little girl. What is a mother to do? My sadness comes from many different angles. I do love that sweet dog and she is a constant companion to me while the girls are at school. I talk to her, we play, we keep each other company. I will miss her deeply. But as a mom my heart breaks even more when I think of the sadness my girls will endure, especially Becky. Remember Lucy was an answer to her prayers - a true angel sent from heaven. There is a real bond between them, true friendship, mutual love. She will be devastated.
If there is a bright side it's that we have Sandi, the unexpected Jack Russell/Beagle addition to our family. And while she lacks the same devotion to us that Lucy has, she is a sweet little thing who likes to snuggle and play and take walks. In time she may develop that devotion, who knows. Becky wants to baby her. She likes to carry her around and make sure she eats all of her food. She walks her and runs her around the yard. Sandi has been caught sleeping on Becky's bed at night, and I've insisted she get down and sleep on a dog bed, you know, like a dog! However, these last few days have found me more willing to let Becky spoil Sandi. I want that little dog to love her the same way Lucy does. I want Becky to have something or someone to help soften the blow when it comes and it could be that Sandi came to us for that reason. I don't know.
I'm not sure how or when Becky will be told of Lucy's sickness. I know I'll wait until Lucy starts to seem sick. Right now she's the sweet, dedicated, lazy girl that she's always been and in that regard not much will change. The vet said it will most likely appear as respiratory issues, a cough or lack of energy - both of which she has been dealing with a little bit already. My hope and prayer is that I'll know when the poor old girl has had enough. If you've ever had a lab you know that their desire to please their people outweighs anything else. And Lucy would stay with us forever if she could regardless of her discomfort or pain just to make her girl happy. She won't want to say goodbye anymore than we will. Oh, how I dread that day.
For now we will continue to love our sweet Lucy and make her life as happy as we can. Lucy doesn't know she's sick and neither does Becky, so their friendship won't be strained by the stress of knowing goodbye is near. I'm glad about that. God will carry my girl through the sadness. I'm glad about that too.